Bye bye July and hello to August. It's hard to believe that the boys will most likely be coming this month. Half of me wants them to stay in there forever, and the other half of me just wants them out NOW! Why do I want them to stay in? I'm really going to miss their bouncing around in there and making my belly look like a scene from Alien or something. Jason and I enjoy playing "Guess the Body Part" in the evenings while we're watching TV and they're very active. Some lump will push out somewhere, and we'll try to figure out if it's a hand or a foot or a shoulder or a butt ... We've probably got it all wrong, but it's fun anyway. Both babies were moving like crazy yesterday, so don't be surprised if I report on Tuesday after my sonogram that one or both of them have flipped around breech again. They are certainly their father's sons. I call Jason the Energizer Bunny for good reason, and it appears that they've inherited at least that one trait from him. Then there's the apprehension about the delivery itself. It's the fear of the unknown more than fear of pain. Like I've said many times, after kidney stones, I have no fear of labor pain. But sometimes it all boils down to the basic "What is coming out of where??? Twice???" It's one of those interesting emotion jumbles of fear and excitement and suspense. You are looking forward to it happening and are kind of scared of it all at once. The same with how our lives are going to change after the babies are here. It's been just the two of us for a long time now, so having an instant family is going to be a huge change. I think we have an advantage over couples who have a baby shortly after getting married, though. We've had 7 years to lay a rock-solid foundation on which to build our family. We don't have to worry about learning how to exist as a married couple at the same time that we're learning how to be parents.
As far as wanting them out right now, that's an easy one. My body is falling apart, and I'm in near-constant pain. I can't walk, I can't breathe, I can't sleep most nights ... People talk about how little sleep we'll be getting after the babies are here, but I don't sleep now as it is, so that's no change. If it's not acid reflux that is keeping me up, it's shoulder and hip pain that keeps me turning from side to side - a process which take several minutes, is painful in itself, and usually requires me to wake Jason up for help. Then there are the many trips to the bathroom and those times that I simply can't sleep for an over-active mind. I had a good night last night and slept pretty well. What is a good night? Well, I only went to the bathroom 3 times, got up for milk for the acid reflux once, and woke to turn over maybe 4 times. So those are the nights. During the daytime, I enjoy joint pain - my fingers, my knees, and even my toes. The pain in my fingers is enough that I have virtually no grip-strength left to do something as simple as close a car door. My knees have just recently gone on strike, making it nearly impossible for me to stand up from a seated position without help. My throat has been sore for months now because I have to breathe deeply through my mouth to get enough air. If I'm on my feet more than about 5 minutes at a time, I get light-headed and am gasping for air. My body would force me to bedrest even if the doctor hadn't ordered it. And as much as I love my boys moving around in there most of the time, they do occasionally get in some painful shots at my bladder or sides, etc. Baby A has a love-hate relationship with my hip bone and alternates between pushing gently against it, making it numb, and smacking it as hard as he can, making it numb. Basically, I'm miserable and am looking forward to having my body back. Jason has been wonderful through it all, doing whatever he can to make me as comfortable as possible. And beyond physically doing things for me, I know he's appreciative of what I'm going though so we can have our family, and that makes it much easier to bear.
Well, enough of my whining. I just had to document how I feel because I don't want to forget a moment of this pregnancy - even the not so great parts. It's also something I can point my mother to when she starts pushing for a granddaughter in a few years. :-P